


Reason to Believe

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-26
Updated: 2005-03-26
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: At the exact moment of the vernal equinox, you can stand an egg on its end and she believes because she's seen him do it.





	Reason to Believe

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Reason to Believe**

**by: Francesca**

**Pairing(s):** CJ/Sam  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters but am just using them for a while; I'll put them back when I'm done. In the words of Sam Seaborn "Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright." I'm not borrowing or stealing, just sneaking some use while no one's looking.  
**Summary:** At the exact moment of the vernal equinox, you can stand an egg on its end and she believes because she’s seen him do it.  
**Spoiler:** _Evidence of Things Not Seen_  


C.J’s Kitchen, Friday morning 6.30am 

“You know it’s the Vernal equinox tonight ?” 

C.J walks into the kitchen to be handed a cup of coffee by California’s newest Congressman who kisses her cheek. She smiles at him, and sips the coffee. She still can’t get over the fact of them together, or how well he knows her. 

“No. Spanky I didn’t” she says leaning against a counter watching him move around her kitchen making his breakfast. It doesn’t matter where they are, she can’t stop watching Sam, she asked him once if he minds this semi nomadic lifestyle flitting between her house and his in Washington. He just smiled that beautiful smile of his and told her that home was where she was, anywhere else was just somewhere he slept. She’s getting used to him being there, the rhythms of his days, his toothbrush in the bathroom, his shirts in her closet, his suits hanging next to her ball gowns ‘just in case’, the scent of him on her pillow and her sheets. She knows how empty she feels when he’s back in California though she never tells him this in so many words. 

He picks up his cereal and leans against a cupboard to eat it. He’s watching her and this doesn’t make her uncomfortable, she knows he stores the memories for the times they are apart, the way she does. 

“At the exact moment of the vernal equinox, you can stand an egg on its end.” 

She smiles at him, “I know Spanky”. 

He looks up, a curious expression on his face. 

“I’ve seen you do it” she says softly. 

He thinks back and grins at her “Just before Super Tuesday”. She nods. He’s smiling now in remembrance “I’d bought the eggs specially”. 

“Yes and you broke five of the six”. 

He’s smiling for real now “I may have broken five but I balanced the sixth, perfectly”. 

“Yes, hon’ you did”, she remembers the look on his face when he got the last egg to balance, the look of triumph mixed with wonder, they’d been sitting up together talking because neither of them could sleep and it was easier to sit in the hotel lounge then alone in a room. It was odd, Toby, Leo, Josh and Donna could sleep straight through and did so, it was always she and Sam sitting up in nameless hotels at 2 in the morning. 

“Are you going to be back early tonight?” he asks. 

She shakes her head “its poker night”. 

“Do you mind if I’m here when you get back?” 

She knows she’s smiling, she doesn’t care, it’s just the two of them and the walls have been slowly coming down for a while, soon she’ll have no secrets from this man and for once that doesn’t scare her. “I’d like that very much. You could always come you know”. 

“I know. But if we’re flying under the radar then me coming up to play poker’s probably a bad move. Give it some time and then yes I’d love to, but just now there’s no way they could look at us and not know”. 

He’s right, and she knows it. Every time Congressman Seaborn takes a trip to the White House its news. It’s been over two months since Airforce One nearly didn’t land and it’s a miracle they’ve managed to keep things secret this long. She knows he doesn’t like that they’re not being open, it goes against his nature not to be open and honest and it’s one of the things that she loves about him. But they both understand Ex-White House Staffer now Congressman and the White House Press Secretary? Too good a story to pass up. They’ve been discrete, she doesn’t think anyone knows though there’s been mornings where she’s passed Josh in the halls when he’s turned and looked after her and she knows it’s because of the lingering scent of Sam’s cologne which clings to her like a cloud. She doesn’t think she could sit at a poker table with Sam and not smile, or forget and touch him, she knows Josh, Leo and Toby have both called him and invited him and he’s told her there’s no way he could sit there and not have one of them know either. 

“I’m going to have to go” is all she says. 

He pulls a face and puts down his empty bowl and crosses the space between them to hold her for a while, they kiss, only a brief touching of lips, but it’s a promise that there will be a tonight. 

He lets her go reluctantly and she goes into the living room and collects her briefing papers from the coffee table and stuffs them in her bag. “Have a good day Spanky” 

“You too C.J. Love you” the last is said gently, softly and she kisses his cheek as she passes on her way out of the door. It would be more but their goodbyes can last forever, kisses become touches, hugs long embraces, brief lip brushes kisses that can make them forget the time, or that there are trivial things like work. 

She leaves reluctantly, climbs into her mustang and drives, the wind in her hair and on her face. She knows Sam will leave in a couple of hours, he doesn’t have to be on the Hill until after 9 and he always waits for a while after she’s gone before he leaves. 

Leo’s office, Friday night 

Toby and Josh are teasing her about the egg thing. She sits there and says she’s seen it done, their scepticism and teasing is taken in good humour, as it’s meant, but she cant tell them the thing that would make them believe, she cant tell them it was Sam she saw balance the egg. It’s almost silly but she’s afraid that just if she speaks his name they’ll know. It’s almost as though Sam had never been in the West Wing sometimes and she hates that, but then she’ll find Toby looking at a speech he and Will have put together and he’ll toss it on the desk and say “It’s missing something. It misses Sam” or “It needs’ Sam’s touch” and then he’ll clear his throat and change the subject. Or Josh will be standing in the door of Will’s office looking at the unfamiliar things and sheepishly mutter something about forgetting, she’s found him in the White House mess alone on an evening tossing sugar into an empty basket because he reckons it helps him think. She’s been there when Sam’s mobile has rung, he has his house phone diverted to it when he’s at hers and it’s been Toby, Josh, Leo or on occasion the President. The ties that bind them together are many and varied. Donna hit the nail on the head once when she likened it to being the member of a small, exclusive club. 

Josh gets called away to do an interview for Ainsley’s position. Ainsley’s gone to work for the House Majority leader, though the President told her that if she wants to come back she only has to pick up the ‘phone. C.J knows there’s been speculation amongst the Assistants that Ainsley’s followed Sam to the hill. She knows this isn’t true, but never joins in the gossip though Carol’s pumped her for information more than once. Donna sits down to play in Josh’s place. C.J smiles to herself behind her cards, Donna’s a better player than Josh is, as Sam says Josh has a really bad poker face. 

Debbie, Ed and Larry join the game, Leo and the President come in and out, there’s something going on in the Oval Office, standard Friday night. Will comes in and plays the President’s hand, he shuffles the cards like a pro and C.J files this away to talk to him about sometime. He’s brought her some eggs and she knows she’ll tell Sam tonight and he’ll laugh and if they’re awake at midnight they’ll sit and try to balance them. 

Will tosses the Joker into a garbage can from across the room and she’s reminded of Sam tossing Sugar in the White House Mess. The gang make various appreciative noises. 

She says “Oh my God, did you see that? Did you guys see that?!” 

Toby looks at her, stands and also tosses a card into the garbage can from his place. They all cheer but a little less wildly. 

“We're not going to need that three of clubs?” Josh asks plaintively 

Will looks at C.J “Standing at the podium in the press room I could hit a seat in the fifth row”. 

Toby’s got the bit between his teeth “No, I don't believe that's true.” 

“Really?” Will’s being deceptively quiet and C.J wonders how long he’s practiced for. 

“I believe it's a myth.” Toby’s laying down the gauntlet 

“Well, there are 52 cards in this deck.” Looks like Will’s picking it up. 

“51, the three of clubs.” Josh is splitting hairs now but she can see him wondering which way this is going to go. 

Toby’s pushing it “Dollar a card?” 

“Yes.” 

Toby, Will, Larry and C.J. stand up. 

Debbie’s playing house mother “Sit down and play poker, I'm dealing.” C.J likes the President’s new secretary, she’s feisty. 

Josh is called away though so Debbie makes shooing motions at them “Go if you’re going. Just get back before the next hand starts or you’ll forfeit your place”. 

PRESS BRIEFING ROOM - NIGHT 

Toby, Will and C.J. enter holding a deck of cards. C.J. shuts the door as Toby and Will move to stand beside the podium. 

“Dollar for every card that hits the fifth row?” Will’s quietly confident and C.J is going to ask Carol if she’s noticed Will in the briefing room after hours, or maybe Ginger, Ginger seems to have made Will her project and C.J’s sensing the potential for another Josh  & Donna situation. 

“I'm locking the door; there are still some press around.” And getting caught in her briefing room tossing cards at the chairs is not on her plan for Friday night, or worth the bother of having to spin on Monday morning. 

Toby’s upping the ante “Five dollars if you hit the sixth.”. Maybe she should check with Carol to see if Toby’s been seen lurking in the press room with a deck of cards, depending on how this works out, she may end up trying to keep them both out of here full time or they’ll be practicing and calling a rematch. 

“There's a spot on the earth where the temperature is exactly the same as it would be if you drilled through the earth to the other side.” She wants to try to find a reason for them to believe in the egg, without having to justify it. 

“No, there isn't. How about six dollars if you do it with a face card?” 

C.J’s tempted to glare at Will but stops herself “Yes, there is, and it's called the antipode. And if that's true, then why can't it be that you could stand an egg on end at the equinox?” 

“'Cause you can't ever.” Toby’s a natural sceptic and she’s always known this about him. 

“And I say that neither of you can hit the fifth row” her voice carries the challenge and she moves over to the window and leans against it. 

Toby looks at her, then at Will “At the same time?” 

“On three.” Will’s still quietly confident and C.J remembers the man who wouldn’t say boo to a goose let alone Toby, Leo or herself over four months ago. 

Suddenly there are three loud shots one after the other that she registers are gunfire and a bullet breaks the window beside her head. 

It all goes in slow motion for C.J after that, 

Will shouts “Get down!” Toby does too 

She’s remembering Rosslyn and wondering if this is what Josh’s flashbacks feel like. She remembers a body flying into her that she now knows was Sam’s, remembers coming too alone on the tarmac to have the Medic run over to her that she now knows Sam had gone to get. She remembers in seconds, part of that night is still a blank for her from when she hit her head. 

Toby pulls her to the ground and he and Will pile on top of her shielding her. As she lies on the floor she can hear her voice in her head “Sam were you scared?” and see the look on his face when he answered her “Yes”. She knows why he did it now, and she wishes he was here. 

She lifts her head and states the obvious “Somebody's shooting!”, part of her can’t believe it, what are the odds twice in four years? 

Will is still laying on top of her and all he says is “Stay down.” 

Toby growls “Stay still.” He told her once up in Manchester that he felt guilty that it was Sam that saved her that night, that he was too slow to save her, couldn’t save Josh. She told him it was nothing but his eyes told a different story and she got him roaring drunk then got Josh and Sam to put him to bed. 

Secret Service Agents run into the room. 

“Is everybody all right in here?” they demand 

“We're alright.” Toby says, from the sound of his voice he’s remembering too. 

“Ms. Cregg?” The agent’s checking with her, possibly because she’s partially obscured by Toby and Will and possibly because the secret service are always careful with the Bartlet women, and she’s counted as one. 

“We're alright.” 

“Are you sure?” The agent’s double checking, and that’s okay it’s his job. 

Will looks at the agents “Three shots, one hit, straight from the sidewalk, straight shot.” 

Toby looks at the agents “Is the President in the Oval Office?” he demands 

“You need to wait outside.” Is all the agent says, not a direct confirmation but as close as they’re going to get. 

The agent helps them up, and they don’t say a word just run from the room. 

They don’t stop running until they get to the Oval Office, there are armed secret service agents by the doors but none of them are going to get in C.J’s way and Toby’s glare has quelled stronger men than this, they barrel through the door breathing heavily 

The President and Leo are half way to the door, the room is filled with secret service and a bunch of Pentagon guys that C.J recognises as having code word clearance. 

Toby looks at the President and just says “Sir.” 

The President looks at Toby “You all right?” She knows this is not an idle question apart from Will they’re all Rosslyn survivors. 

Toby looks back at him “Yeah” 

The President turns to her “What about you?”. 

“We're fine.” 

He turns to Will and holds up two fingers “Will, how many fingers am I holding up?” 

“Who's Will, sir?” Will deadpans and the President allows himself a small smile. 

Will gets sent out, Charlie and Debbie barrel in, despite the codeword guys standing in the back and the secret service agents she knows the President is touched that they care and relieved that they’re okay. 

Debbie ‘crashes’ the West Wing, they’re locked down tight apart from her, she’s given a Secret Service agent escort back to her office because the Media will need statements or they’ll go off on their own and turn a drama into a crisis. 

Finds Carol and about five other Staffers in her office watching TV when she gets there, she calls the networks, briefs them and tries to straighten out the inaccuracies and control the story. She sends Carol and the others off to fax and email press releases to every major network and news feed and closes her door. 

She sits back at her desk and dials his mobile, she can do it by memory now, possibly in the dark with her eyes shut. 

He answers on first ring and she can imagine him pacing the floor in her living room. 

“Sam” 

“Oh God C.J” is all he says and she can hear the fear in his voice. 

“I’m okay, I’m alright. Everyone’s okay. Three shots were fired into the Press Briefing room, I was in there with Toby and Will and they got me down.” 

There’s a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the ‘phone. “You were in there?” 

“We’d gone to toss cards” 

He laughs then, but it’s nervous “I won’t ask. I rang your mobile as soon as I heard” 

“It’s in Leo’s office in my jacket” 

“You’ve got at least 18 missed calls” he sounds sheepish “ and all of them are me”. 

“I’m fine, and I still have my necklace” 

He laughs for real now. “ I wish you were here Spanky” 

“So do I C.J, So do I” 

“They’ve crashed the West Wing so I don’t know when I’ll be back” 

“No problem I’ll wait up”. She knows he will, knows he wont stop worrying until he’s seen her and possibly until he’s inspected every inch of her, and she allows herself a small smile at the thought. 

“I’ve got to get back to work, I love you Sam” 

“I love you C.J”. 

It’s hard to hang up on him, but she has to get this contained before it snowballs. At least the financial markets are closed until Monday and this should be under control by then. 

Finally she makes it back to Leo’s office with her secret service guard, everyone else is gathered there and as Debbie’s not back from the Oval with the President and Leo she takes up the game. 

Ed looks at her “Anything wild?” 

She grins “Just the dealer. Four, no help. Six, possible straight. Heart, possible flush. Jack, no help. And the Dave of Love for a pair of tens. Tens bet.” 

Larry’s gazing at her curiously, she thinks its Larry, sometimes he and Ed still confuse people. “You know, you're particularly upbeat for someone who's been shot at twice in four years” is what he says. 

“Am I?” 

“Yes.” Toby answers and she’s wondering what he thinks he’s seen. 

“That's 'cause I've got faith there, mi compadre.” 

“Faith?” Toby’s trailing a line of thought and she hopes it leads away from Sam. 

“The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.” And Sam Seaborn, she thinks. Without Sam maybe her story would have ended at Rosslyn the way Josh’s and the President’s nearly did. Without Rosslyn and that night on Airforce One would she and Sam have discovered what they had now? 

“Yeah, but I think what he's asking... Bump ten... I think what he's asking is why most other nights do you think the world's going to hell in a hula hoop, but tonight...?” Toby’s still following that line, and she can’t turn around and tell him ‘because the Congressman for the California 47th is sitting in my living room waiting for me to come home’ where he’ll kiss me senseless and check me over for bullet wounds and scratches before taking me to bed. 

“We dipped twice and eat gefilte fish?” 

“Suzy Cream Cheese, do not attempt the hagaddah.” She smiles, one successful faint accomplished. Not for nothing is she White House Press Secretary. But Toby knows her better than the press Corps does, and has known her for longer, he’s far harder to divert than they are. 

“I know how to bless the soup too. I'll raise your raise.” 

“Out” Ed folds. 

“Just the two of us.” 

“Faith in what?” Toby says, eyeballing her from over his cards. 

“In us.” 

“The people in this room?” 

“And many, many, many others.” Like Leo, like the President, Josh and Donna, and like Sam, Sam who she once saw balance an egg on it’s end at midnight in a hotel lounge in a campaign stop she cant remember the name of on a night before Super Tuesday. Sam who loves her, and swears he’s been in love with her since the first campaign. Sam who wants to change the world and make it a better place and believes that it can happen because a man stands up. 

The President, Josh, Leo and Debbie come in and out, the game ebbs and flows and Will does some web surfing and swears blind that it’s not possible to balance an egg at Equinox. She lets Toby mock because she can’t tell him what she saw without risking giving everything away, and she and Sam are hiding within the house of cards. 

At the end of the game as everyone’s taking their leave 

Toby turns to her “You headed home?” 

“In just a minute.” She straightens the cards, buying time because she doesn’t want Toby to drive her home in case Sam opens her front door. “I'm going to let them know outside that they lifted the crash.” 

“See you in the morning.” 

He leaves and she thinks he’s got the message, though she can hear him talking to Ed in the hallway and she chances a quick look behind her to see where they are. She looks at the clock that reads midnight And she takes an egg from the box at the side of her chair and cups it in her hands, she balances it and slowly, gently not even daring to breathe removes her fingers. 

It stands, by it’s self 

“Guys. Hey, you guys?” she whispers. Toby and Ed turn and she wishes she had a camera because there’s a look on Toby’s face she wants to capture in her mind. Ed’s jaw hangs open. 

The egg is perfectly balanced, and in her minds eye she sees the look of wonder on Sam’s face. She wants to see it again and as the clock ticks the seconds round and the egg wobbles and falls, she catches it and sets it back in the box. 

Toby’s still looking at her as though she’s worked a miracle. She smiles at him and heads for the door. There’s somewhere she needs to be right now and nothing, not even the Secret Service are going to stop her getting there. 


End file.
